Tina sighed and lamented the dark episode that has been her marriage for the past 10 months since she found out about the affair. Since that time she said we have both been trying to put the pieces of our marriage back together.
“The period before and after the time of Dan’s fling had been very difficult to deal with and I have wished on many an occasion that I could simply erase the thoughts and memories of that time from my mind”.
If Tina’s story sounds familiar to you and you feel like you have barely scraped through a horrific episode in your life like this then you should first of all give yourself a pat on the back because dealing with the aftermath of an affair can be really difficult.
The is no doubt however that coming through an episode like this can leave your mind in tatters with your imagination working overtime to fill in the gaps in the story line.
The following thoughts may even enter your mind when you think about the affair.
1) Could I have behaved differently?
2) What was stopping me knowing what was happening
3) If I had married another person would this not have happened?
4) I wonder if they shared laughter and walks together during the affair
This blog is going to help you to deal with the impact of these memories and the impact that the affair has had on your psyche. I will then provide you with three steps that you can use to cope with the painful memories.
If you think back over your life you will notice that the texture of your life is interwoven with a series of memories. However, not all memories are created equal as they will be filed away according to the emotional impact that they had on you at the time of formation. The filing system of memories will contain everything that you have experienced in life including all the painful emotional charged memories.
The emotionally charged memories will of course be more alive in your mind and will be easier to recall because they will have had an emotional impact on you at the time of formation, and the memories that are associated with marriage upheaval or your spouse having an affair will be very emotionally laden and full of energy.
The fact the these memories are things that we have experienced that are in the past does not mean that your mind is done with them as if you experience a trigger in the form of a smell, taste or sound for example, you can be right back there in the memory again, re-living the experience again.
You can start to regain control over these memories by deciding to accept them and that these are events that you cannot change. Dealing with these unpleasant memories is part of life and something that we all have to cope with everyday.
The following however will help you to cope with an unpleasant memory when it comes into your mind’s eye.