I grew up in a small two bedroom house with my seven brothers and sisters, my Mom and Dad and my maternal grandmother. Before my Dad added an addition for the boys, we slept together on mats on the living room floor. We didn’t have a lot of money so we amused ourselves by playing games and just hanging out together until we finally got a television sometime in the early 60’s. We learned to just be together and I attribute our closeness today to those early days in the small house in Kailua.
My mother and grandmother taught us that there was “strength in numbers” and how to draw energy off of each other. Even when we were sick with the various illnesses children attract, my mother would sleep with us to give us healing energy and make us feel safe. Throughout our lives, we’ve gathered together and our “collective energy” creates a feeling that’s difficult to describe. It’s the kind of feeling we have when all our children are together or you gather with your best friends or you spend time with someone you truly love.
It’s the energy of BE.
“Be” energy is different than “Do” energy, which we have with most of the people in our lives. Do energy means you feel connected while your doing something. These are our co-workers, golf buddies, classmates, people from church, folks that you may know well and enjoy doing things together. These are people whom we feel comfortable having conversations, doing different activities, sharing common projects or interacting socially. But if you had to sit together silently in a room, it might be a little awkward because the focus of your relationship is always on what you’re doing.
But “be” energy doesn’t need an activity or a purpose, its the presence to have a connection without having a specific goal, outcome or direction. We only have this connection with a few people in our lives and their generally our family members, our closest friends or our spouse/partners. In my 20’s I dated a girl who, after spending some time with my family, commented, “Your family doesn’t really do very much. They seem content to just sit around.” I replied, “Yeah, we just like to be together.”
Of course, I had no clue what that really meant and how powerful this be energy would be throughout our lives. When my Mom was sick with cancer in 2009, someone in the family was always with her and part of that was our sense that we were feeding her energy to keep going. As her disease progressed, we took turns sleeping near her because we felt her connection even though she couldn’t talk to us. When she finally made her transition, it was the collective be energy of my brothers and sisters that helped her to go peacefully.
Peaceful be energy takes years to develop because most of our relationships start as do relationships. So when we run out of things to do or say, all that’s left is who we really are as a person and some people find it very scary to be that vulnerable even with their spouse/partner. Many relationships stumble or end at this point because it’s easy to hide our pain, flaws and issues under a cloak of activities. Good be energy is non-judgmental, looks for the good and is always grateful for the mere existence of the other person.
Only a few people in your life will connect with you at that level. But when you create the energy to just be, that connection will last a lifetime.
