You have been dating for six months and you are sure you are headed for the altar. Or are you? Perhaps it is a little soon to tell. Your parents are asking you to get to know your partner better. Your friends are giving your awkward looks when you mention your new love’s name.
What is going on? Is there something you are missing? How do you know if you are in a healthy relationship? The following are some unusual, but revealing tips, for determining if a relationship is good for you.
Tip Number One: How do you feel when you are with your new partner? If you feel excited and over-wound, you may be with someone who you are not really compatible with. For instance, do you find yourself saying things to your other that are overly exaggerated and blown up? Do you find yourself trying to reflect the other’s interests, rather than honestly expressing what you enjoy? Do you go places and hang out with people you do not like, so you can be closer to your partner?
The truth is, you should feel relaxed and free to be yourself in a good relationship. No matter what stage the relationship is at, you are always you. Of course, it is natural to feel a little nervous at the beginning of a relationship, but being nervous, and being afraid to be yourself, are two separate issues. The latter issue does not belong in a relationship.
If you are with someone who judges you, or causes you to feel less than you are, you are with the wrong person. If your other tells you how to dress and how to act when you go out, you are dating a poor choice. No one should be signing up to be your personal coach, unless it is a business deal, one that you have personally arranged for yourself.
Tip Number Two: What are your dreams about the other person revealing to you? Are you having warm dreams of feeling happy and secure with the other person, or are you having bad dreams you cannot shake off?
The unconscious often picks up signs that the conscious mind may block. Perhaps this person is so good-looking or so successful, that you are overlooking warning signs. Your dreams will not lie to you. If you continue to have disturbing dreams, look for other signs.
Other signs may be red flags like: excessive jealousy and interrogation. Too much jealousy is a sign of looming control issues born out of insecurity. Sure, everyone has tinges of jealousy now and then. That is part of being human. However, excessive jealousy is expressed as rage after you look at the opposite sex, and persistent questioning about where you have been, after you are apart. Excessive jealousy is a sign of danger. Run, don’t walk away!
Tip Number Three: How does your new love fit in with the important people in your life? If your new date is friendly and open to your friends and family, that is a great sign. If your new partner is relaxed and not trying too hard to impress the people in your life, your partner is showing true confidence, and a genuine desire to fit into you life.
What is a bad sign? If your new date puts your friends and family down when you leave a party, watch out! This could mean trouble down the road, when you want to include your social circle in your marriage. Also, beware of the person who is rude to your parents and is disrespectful in their presence.
What are signs of disrespect? It is not wrong to expect your partner to show good manners to your family. Does your new partner cuss like a street urchin in front of your parents? Does your new love show up empty-handed when arriving at your family’s house? Does your date arrive late without calling? These are all signs of inconsiderate behaviors, and soon enough, you will be treated the same way.
A healthy relationship is based upon respect, not fear. A healthy relationship is one that allows openness to your family and social circle, allows you to be yourself, and loves you without excessive jealousy and criticism. A good relationship is one of the greatest joys of life. Don’t be afraid to settle for less than what you deserve.